kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
