so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
