I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
