Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
