So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
