Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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