My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize