the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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