Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
