my shit smells like andre
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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