cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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