Don't make out with my wife yet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
