I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
