The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
