If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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