I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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