My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
