also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
