Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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