happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
