if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
