Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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