Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
