I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
