Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
