So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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