shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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