so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
