I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
