Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
