So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
