I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
