I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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