My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
