You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
