so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
