Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
