Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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