i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
