im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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