wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I skipped work to stalk him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
