She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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