She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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