after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
