His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
