he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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