Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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