she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
