So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
