I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
