in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
