The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
