Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize