i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
