i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
