Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I did not marry a roomba.
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