i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
