God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
