then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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