The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I am morally bankrupt
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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