You smell like stripper and shame
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
