i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
