she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
