I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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