Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Found the puke drawer
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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