Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
