apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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