so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
