; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
4 words: hood of his car
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
