sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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