we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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