stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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