Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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