Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
