I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
